On Being Happy
Trying to pursue happiness is a fruitless endeavor. Happiness is the byproduct of a life well lived.
What I read: “Why You’re So Unhappy” by Mark Manson. Published December 18, 2023.
We all want to be happy. I want to be happy. You want to be happy. Everyone you know wants to be happy. Happiness is the universal goal for which so many of us strive.
Over the past decades I’ve been in search of happiness. I’ve meditated. I’ve created elaborate goal and task schemes. I’ve done vision boards. I’ve dabbled in various spirituality paths. I’ve read self-help books. I’ve watched personal development videos. None of them have helped me “find” happiness.
Therein lies the million-dollar conundrum. How does one attain happiness? Is happiness something you can aim for as a goal? Is it a destination? I don’t think so, and neither does Mark Manson.
Manson puts it this way.
Here’s a sobering truth: chasing happiness is like playing tag with a ghost. You run around, exhausting yourself, and still end up empty-handed.
That’s because happiness is a byproduct state and not something for which you can aim.
Happiness isn’t a destination. It’s a byproduct of a life filled with meaning, purpose, and fulfillment.
It took me a long time to understand this. When I focus on learning, contributing, creating, helping, and being with the people who matter most in my life, happiness just happens. It’s only when I stop doing those things and try to somehow life hack my way to happiness that things go awry.
Along the way, pain inevitably happens. Life can turn to crap rather quickly sometimes. That’s just the way it goes. There’s no avoiding that. We either learn to live with discomfort, roadblocks, and the challenges of life, or we sentence ourselves to a life of ongoing unhappiness.
Sure, sometimes we’re unhappy. That’s an integral part of the long-term happiness state we all hope to experience. But the overarching directive to pursue those things in life that bring us fulfillment and joy, to the best of our ability and per our situation, is how we bring about happiness. There is simply no other way.
Now, someone is likely to be thinking one can achieve happiness by literally or figuratively sitting on a mountain top meditating and coming to peace with the world. That might work for some people. I don’t think it would work for me. I think it’s unrealistic to think it would work for most people. Most people aren’t even in the situation where they could give that a try if they wanted to.
Manson points out three other factors that can contribute to blocking the path to a state of happiness.
We compare ourselves to others. This is a surefire way to be unhappy.
We live in our heads instead of experiencing the present moment. This is a tough one, but living in the here and now is the only way to truly experience happiness.
We blame others for our unhappiness. Others can influence our state of mind, but it’s ultimately how we deal with it that makes us happy or unhappy.
I’ll let you read Manson’s article for his complete explanation. Reading it is time well spent.
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