On Self-Reliance
Ralph Waldo Emerson had some great suggestions for being happy through self-reliance.
What I read: “An Emersonian Guide to Taking Control of Your Life” by Arthur C. Brooks. Published June 20, 2024.
There are countless writers, thinkers, and philosophers who are ready to tell you what leads to a better life. I’ve certainly done that in some of my writings although I try to be cautious and position my advice as personal in nature and not always cemented in scientific findings or absolute truth. There is no single way to live a life that’s ideal for everyone.
Ralph Waldo Emerson offered lots of such advice from his individualist philosophical perspective. In a world that today constantly bombards us with messaging to think, be, or live certain ways, self-reliance can be a difficult path to stick to, but there are tremendous benefits if you can.
Arthur C. Brooks points out Emerson’s dedication to the freethinking person. (I’m going to insert here yet another recommendation to read Brooks’ writings. They’re all excellent.)
Ralph Waldo Emerson was a philosopher, poet, erstwhile Unitarian minister, and, in fact, a founder of this magazine. He was also a notorious freethinker, remarkably unburdened by the conventions of his time. Arguably his most celebrated work is a long essay titled, plainly, “Self-Reliance.” This is his how-to instructional on making your own way in a world that prefers you to fall in line.
If you’ve never read Emerson’s original essay, I recommend it. It’s well worth your time. But Brooks succinctly encapsulates much of the essay’s content.
From “Self-Reliance,” we can derive Emerson’s lessons for living with full realization of personal autonomy that stand up remarkably well to modern research. Here are eight key principles that reflect both his wisdom and our own social science to help you build your self-reliant life.
Read Brooks’ great article for yourself, but here are the eight main points he extracts from Emerson’s essay.
Maintain your privacy. I don’t do this well. Much of my life is quite public. I’m mostly fine with that, but there are some things I do indeed keep private. Giving some thought to what you do and don’t want to keep private is a good exercise.
Don’t conform to anyone else’s thinking. There’s a quote I reference often from author Rita Mae Brown, “I think the reward for conformity is that everyone likes you except yourself.” One way to avoid conformity is to engage in healthy skepticism. Some things are facts. Other things are entirely emotion-based opinions. There’s a range of stances in between. Regardless, taking a pause to determine how well founded your thinking is can always be helpful. One thing I try to do is compare my opinions to my values. Does my stance or opinion align with my values? That helps me stay on track and not be too swept up in the views of the masses.
Don’t be afraid to walk alone. We’re awash in situations in which we’re tempted to bend over backwards to try to fit into a group. I know I’ve done it. It rarely works out well. Walking one’s individual path tends to bolster one’s happiness more than attempting to fit into situations or groupthink that ultimately detracts from that happiness.
Choose a life of self-discipline. What Emerson was referring to is grit. This form of grit is defined as “firmness of mind or spirit : unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger.” While people who demonstrate grit tend to logically be more successful, science shows they’re also happier.
Admire virtue; pay no attention to vice. I hold up many people as possessing true virtue. The gist of this directive is to “admire noble, good people, and give your attention only to what edifies and uplifts you.” This is sure how it works in my life.
Be willing to change your mind. Stephen Hawking once said, “Intelligence is the ability to adapt to change.” Winston Churchill once said, “To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.” If we’re not willing to change our mind, often, then we’re stuck in the past and not the reality of the future as we become exposed to new facts, ideas, and perspectives.
Do not lie, including to yourself, no matter how much it hurts to tell the truth. It’s one thing to lie to another person, but the most dangerous lie is that which we tell ourselves. To examine one’s life objectively from a foundation of truth as we know it is one of the most difficult things we can do, but the payoff is huge.
Don’t be a “city doll.” As a lifelong city dweller, this one made me balk at first. Emerson lived in a different time and city and rural living were quite different than they are today. But what Emerson was getting at is that we should not rely on external institutions for our happiness. Research has shown than happiness sought by externals tends to fail while happiness sought through our own internal mindset is more successful.
Brooks concludes his article with this from Emerson’s essay.
Nothing can bring you peace but yourself. Nothing can bring you peace but the triumph of principles.
Not an easy path to follow, but I know from my time on the planet that it’s true that peace for me only comes from what’s taking place on my insides, not in the outside world.
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