Rethinking Self-Improvement
What I read: Stand Firm: Resisting the Self-Improvement Craze by Svend Brinkmann. Published February 27, 2017.
Every so often a book comes along that challenges the reader to rethink longstanding viewpoints. Self-improvement is one of those topics about which I’ve held some rather strong opinions for years. I’ve evolved those opinions over time, but much of my thinking about self-improvement has persisted since my early readings and practices from childhood.
To say I’ve been a rabid consumer of self-improvement materials is an understatement. In the current draft of a book I’m working on, I’ve written this:
In the pursuit of a better life, I have been a lifelong consumer of self-improvement and personal and professional development information and advice. I have read books, watched instructional films and shows, participated in discussion groups, attended seminars, taken classes, listened to an array of speakers, reflected on various spiritual teachings, pondered philosophical topics, learned about better business practices, attempted to practice all I’ve learned, and thought long and hard about how to be a better me and have a better life, personally and professionally.
The book I’m writing is, perhaps somewhat ironically in light of this post, about self-improvement and what I believe are the underlying basic principles that virtually all the self-improvement genre is founded upon. I put it this way in the draft:
Then one day I realized something. Woven throughout all the self-improvement information I have been exposed to are common threads of guidance in the form of basic principles. These principles appear to me to form the foundation of all the philosophies and systems aimed at improving one’s personal or work life. This was an epiphany!
No longer did I feel held captive by any single improvement system. No longer did I feel I needed to pick and choose from among the many ways of thinking about living a good life. Gone was the stress of having to abide by every rule and guideline a particular self-improvement approach dictated. I was finally free of the shackles imposed by years of thinking that each author, philosopher, speaker, teacher, coach, consultant, or fellow searcher had the better answer to the eternal question of how to live a better life.
OK, so that’s all well and good. Clearly I’m a bit obsessed with self-improvement. I always have been since my father handed me a copy of How To Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie when I was a young child.
But then I read Brinkmann’s book and it upended much of my thinking about self-improvement, including what I’ve perhaps arrogantly identified as foundation principles. I’m never opposed to challenging my own assumptions and beliefs about something, but this book threw me for a loop somewhat. So much so that partway through the book I considered abandoning it because it felt like it directly contradicted some deeply entrenched beliefs. But I pushed ahead and I’m glad I did.
Here’s the verbiage from the Amazon sales page listing for the book and it describes the book’s contents accurately and concisely.
The pace of modern life is accelerating. To keep up, we must keep on moving and adapting – constantly striving for greater happiness and success. Or so we are told. But the demands of life in the fast lane come at a price: stress, fatigue and depression are at an all-time high, while our social interactions have become increasingly self-serving and opportunistic.
How can we resist today's obsession with introspection and self-improvement? In this witty and bestselling book, Danish philosopher and psychologist Svend Brinkmann argues that we must not be afraid to reject the self-help mantra and 'stand firm'. The secret to a happier life lies not in finding your inner self but in coming to terms with yourself in order to coexist peacefully with others. By encouraging us to stand firm and get a foothold in life, this vibrant anti-self-help guide offers a compelling alternative to life coaching, positive thinking and the need always to say 'yes!'
Should you read this book? Yes. Even if you don’t fully embrace everything in it, I think it’s an important book because it will make you ponder your life habits and functioning principles and that’s always a good thing. That said, I tend to agree with most of the book’s contentions.
Much of Brinkmann’s thinking is heavily influence by the currently popular school of philosophy known as Stoicism. Stoicism is something I abided by for a while, only to have my view of it altered after reading about Aristotle’s ideas in Aristotle’s Way: How Ancient Wisdom Can Change Your Life and Epicureanism in Epicurus and the Pleasant Life: A Philosophy of Nature. Both books made me retract my complete buy-in with Stoicism and today my philosophical mindset is a mishmash of various schools of thought with heavy leanings to Epicureanism. I’m sure I’ll change my philosophical approach many times again.
With transparent deference to how odd it might seem to write what appears to be a self-improvement book to counter prevalent self-improvement trends, Brinkmann lays out his seven-step plan to empower your resistance to the onslaught of messaging personal development and self-improvement gurus, coaches, and others dole out in a crowded and profitable industry.
Brinkmann talks of an “accelerating culture,” one in which we’re all pressured to keep up and constantly adapt. On both personal and professional levels, we all fall prey to the idea that we need to do more, be more, climb more ladders, purchase more products and services, keep upskilling, and so on. The pace can be exhausting.
From the book’s introduction:
Critics of the pace of change point out that it leads to a general feeling of alienation from the activities in which we are engaged, and to a constant sense that we don’t have enough time. Technological advances should, in theory, free up time – allowing us to have a kick-about with the kids, make pottery or discuss politics. But the opposite is in fact the case if the time that we free up (e.g. from routine or assembly line tasks that are now automated or outsourced to the Third World) is spent on new projects and filling an already packed diary. In our secular world, we no longer see eternal paradise as a carrot at the end of the stick of life, but try to cram as much as possible into our relatively short time on the planet instead. This is, of course, a futile endeavour, doomed to failure. It is tempting to interpret the modern epidemics of depression and burnout as the individual’s response to the unbearable nature of constant acceleration. The decelerating individual – who slows down instead of speeding up, and maybe even stops completely – seems out of place in a culture characterised by manic development, and may be interpreted pathologically (i.e. diagnosed as clinically depressed).
Brinkmann makes a compelling argument that our culture has sped up to a velocity that is difficult to sustain. He contends that although it might at first glance appear to add to the burden of expectations heaped on us in recent years, we should consider learning to “stand firm,” and at least at times resist the cultural obsession with constant “development, change, transformation, innovation, learning and other dynamic concepts that infuse the accelerating culture.”
So, how does Brinkmann propose we do this? He lays out seven specific suggestions. I’ll expound on them a bit, but the book is a quick, easy read and I recommend you read his complete explanations for yourself.
Stop the looking inward exercises and practices we’re constantly encouraged to do. As he puts it, cut out the navel-gazing. This was a hard one for me. One of the things I had begun to do regularly was meditate. It seemed to help. Then I started to go on extended walks every day and I had an epiphany of sorts. I found I discovered more about myself and thought more clearly on my walks than when I meditated. I know, meditation isn’t about “thinking” but no matter what I do my mind always churns a bit when meditating. Not so when walking. The external stimuli coupled with my body movement seems to generate ideas, create calm, and generally improve my outlook on life more than all my meditation time has done. Plus, walking has proven to be one of my favorite health-fostering activities.
Think more about the negatives in your life. I know this sounds odd to some, but toxic positivity is a thing and it’s important to accept negatives in our lives for the crappy things they are and not sugarcoat everything. As the Stoics suggest, ruminate on your own eventual death, the ultimate negative for some people. Allowing yourself to think about the negatives will also help you appreciate the good things in your life more and keep things in perspective.
Say no more often. This is something I struggle with big time and I need to keep hearing this directive. Saying no demonstrates strength and integrity, not weakness. I am one of those people who had to constantly stop myself from saying “I’m so busy” when people asked how I am. Excessive business is often a sign of saying yes too often, certainly in my case. I have begun to say no to joining projects, sitting on boards, teaching and speaking gigs, attending weddings and certain parties, and other commitments of my time for which my kneejerk reaction would have typically been to say yes. Of the seven suggestions Brinkmann offers, this one has probably done more to improve my life than any of the rest.
Here’s one that goes against so much of the modern tendency to assume spewing forth our emotions is part of a healthy perspective. Rather, Brinkmann suggests we suppress our feelings more often. It’s perfectly authentic to be an adult and not wear every emotion on our sleeves. It tires out friends and colleagues and might signal to some that you’re less than authentic. I can “overshare” sometimes and should instead keep my mouth shut. I can see on people’s eyes when I’m vomiting forth my emotions that they’ve tuned out. I don’t blame them. I try to instead share my emotional states with others carefully and strategically so that when I do my friends and colleagues pay attention and don’t assume I’m just blathering forth an emotional waterfall.
While I happen to be a fan of good psychotherapy and some coaching, I think Brinkmann’s suggestion that you “sack your coach” has merit, at least in some instances. Having studied coaching myself and used much of it in my professional life, I see the downside of it as well. People are pushed to find answers within themselves and to always realize their full potential. Look outward more often and less inward. However, I stand by psychotherapy as being something incredibly useful to so many people. I’ve known too many people who have benefitted from it considerably to suggest they abandon it.
Read novels rather than self-help books. Here’s another one of Brinkmann’s suggestions I found difficult to swallow, but it makes sense. Despite their popularity, self-help books often reinforce the notion that life is something we can always control. We can’t, not always. Self-help books tend to offer up seemingly easy, cookie-cutter solutions to complex life problems. Failure to succeed after reading such books and trying to apply their approach can leave us despondent. They often promise easy solutions to attain happiness, wealth, and health. Life’s usually not that easy. However, novels enable us to understand human life as complex and unmanageable. Lately I’ve begun to read more novels than I did in the past, and I must say I think Brinkmann is correct. I’ve often found a richness and depth in novels and well-written fiction that self-help content too often lacks.
Dwell on the past. Again, this seems counterintuitive to everything we’re taught. Part of the reason for keeping the past in our minds is that over time bad things in the past become lighter. Our outlook on the past improves as time marches on. Also, the constant droning of progress, innovation, the ever-increasing nudge to practice individual and collective one-upmanship, isn’t necessary. Sure, some progress is awesome. Some innovation is great. But there’s also nothing wrong whatsoever with some things staying as they are and enjoying them in that state.
This book has been one of the more important books I’ve read in recent months. It made me think. It made me reconsider longstanding ideas that upon inspection don’t all hold up to Brinkmann’s seven tips for a better life. Am I going to wholeheartedly adopt everything Brinkmann suggests? No. Even Brinkmann himself is clear in the book that he does not propose his seven tips are the absolute truth by which all must abide. He fully understands that no book or line of thought will ever solve all of life’s problems. Nothing is ever 100%.
In essence, my point of view is quite pragmatic – it is that nothing is always 100 per cent good. Apart from general, self-evident and quite abstract ideas (e.g. about doing your duty), there is probably no such thing as absolute truth when it comes to ethical ideas or philosophies of life. This is the very essence of pragmatism: ideas are tools developed to solve life’s problems. If the problems change, the intellectual tools used to solve them must change as well.
Check out the book. I think you’ll find it thought provoking.
Brinkmann has written or edited more than 30 books and written almost 200 articles. He’s received several prizes and awards. I recommend you also check out his website and follow him on Facebook and Twitter.
May your life be marvelous as you “stand firm” and enjoy it.