Let Curiosity Lead the Way
What I watched: “Why curiosity gets you farther than ambition” by Drew Lynch for TEDxNashville. Posted November 8, 2022.
It should come as no surprise from a blog named Musings from a Curious Mind that I’m a curious guy. If there is any characteristic that has served me well throughout my life, it’s finding much in the world fascinating. My father raised me to be forever curious. I’d pick up and drop interests, hobbies, projects, and subject areas of study all the time. My dad would celebrate that I remained constantly curious rather than chastise me for being a quitter.
Some things about which I’m curious have stuck with me for a lifetime. Others I haven’t thought about for decades. Whether in a cursory or in-depth manner, everything that I’ve poked my nose into has added to who I am today.
I’m entirely fine being a casual dilletante about some things while diving deeper into other areas. The sum total of those experiences have brewed together inside my brain to produce the unique stew that is the current me.
Last year I wrote Choose Curiosity Over Clash in which I touted the wisdom of Julia Dhar suggesting that for us to have constructive conversations we must embrace curiosity.
Dhar contends that constructive conversations that move the dialogue forward have certain essential features. The first, and I believe the most important, is that at least one person in the conversation must approach it from a place of curiosity rather than confrontation.
Curiosity is at the core to so much of what makes our life good. Conversations. Fulfilling jobs and careers. Broadening our educations. Stretching our creativity. Learning new skills. Exploring a new city or country. Solving problems. Trying an activity or hobby entirely outside our comfort zone. These things make life exciting, and they require a robust sense of curiosity.
My partner showed me the Drew Lynch video. I knew of him, but now I’m an even bigger fan. What a great TED Talk with a great message.
I also want you to explore the idea of living curiously versus living ambitiously and how a shift in that perspective has gotten me farther in my personal and professional journey.
Lynch goes on to explain how his budding acting career was halted by a bad accident during a softball game that left him with a persistent stutter. He could no longer go on auditions. His agent dropped him. Friends began to distance themselves. He was understandably at an extremely low point in his life.
Lynch had plans. This horrific side trip wasn’t part of the plan. He fell into a state of embarrassment, isolation, and humiliation. His acting career appeared to have come to an end. The door he had wanted to walk through appeared to be slammed shut. But then, he shifted his perspective.
Funny thing about doors. Sometimes, you'll watch somebody walk right into one because the door clearly says pull when they pushed. You really find out who they are in that moment because they'll either lash out and get pissed at the door for not going the way they wanted it to go, or they'll realize they goofed up and laugh at themselves, and laughing at myself is precisely what I was missing.
I was so fixated on this obstacle that I didn't realize how heavy it was making me, that I was becoming the thing that was impossible to move. So I shifted my focus to a more curious outlook. I thought, what if rather than kicking, screaming, and demanding this door open for me, what if I went and knocked on another one? What if comedy could truly restore the balance after a tragedy. If rather than hiding my stutter in conversations, what if I was the one to make fun of it in plain sight?
Thus, his comedy career was born. (He’s funny. Check out his videos.) A new chapter presented itself, one not foreseen or considered prior to his accident. A new perspective changed everything.
Eventually, he won a local comedy contest. That led to him opening for Bo Burnham during his tour. Colleges began to request Lynch. All that led up to him appearing on America’s Got Talent on which he was one of the final competitors. But he didn’t win. That loss felt like a failure to Lynch. Of course, it wasn’t.
Referencing back to his opening story about two monkeys throwing shit against a wall, alluding to the adage that if you throw enough shit against a wall, some of it has to stick, Lynch uses the two monkeys again to punctuate his message.
The first monkey, the one who was adamant on getting shit to stick, represents drive. This monkey is all about the destination – the goal, the gas pedal. The second monkey, the one who had the idea to try something else, represents curiosity. This monkey is all about the journey, the adventure, the steering wheel.
Now you might think monkeys that represent destination and journey are opposites, but they're actually teammates using each other to navigate obstacles and experiences in order to move forward.
That's the unique distinction here. We often look at our goals linearly, as if a sign that says “Road Closed” is deterring us. But what if the detour we are forced to take was never presented as a detour? If you never knew that road was closed, you would never know that wasn't the original route in the first place. You would just assume this was part of the journey.
How quickly that second monkey accepts blocks as bumpers used to direct their journey, not derail it, is the important difference here. So don't take the sign for what it says. Take the sign for what it is, a sign.
Ambition can only get us so far toward what we want, or think we want. The drive that we so often tout as the key to success in life must be tempered with an equal dose of curiosity.
I view the things I want in life as directions, not goals. It took me a long time to understand this about myself, but the more I formed firmly identified goals and objectives, the more disappointment I experienced. It took a long time for me to realize that it was the journey toward the target, the direction, that prompted a bunch of sideroads that usually ended up being better paths for me to follow.
When I look back on my life, all of the best stuff came about through this combination of ambition and curiosity. Much of it was pure happenstance and luck. My lifelong ambition ended up taking me only so far and eventually I had to give into my curiosity and only then did the opportunities present themselves clearly. Only then did I succeed, often at things I hadn’t aimed for prior to the new opportunity presenting itself.
Ask anyone in your social or professional circles about their lives. Ask them to describe the path they’ve taken to their current job or career, where they live, and what their interests are today. Sure, some of them probably had fairly linear trajectories toward longstanding goals, but I’m willing to bet most of them took a winding road to arrive at where they’re at now. That’s the true nature of living a successful life, not the “set a goal and put your head down to attain it no matter what” directive you’ll get from most self-help gurus and motivational speakers.
Lynch uses a phrase during his talk that resonated with me. He talked about utilizing a “play-based work formula” and I’m not sure I could better describe the optimal way to pursue work or anything else in life. Curiosity and play are related. To remain deeply curious about life and ourselves, we have to engage in play. We have to constructively fiddle with life in whatever ways our curiosity leads us. Perhaps we aim for a destination or goal, but fixating on the specificity of the outcome tends to lead us astray more often than not. Blinders keep us from seeing all the wonderful alternate routes we’re presented, routes that if taken could easily lead to far better outcomes.
Approaching life this way is challenging. It’s not what we’re taught. We’re taught discipline, steadfastness, and that a linear path toward a goal is the only way to proceed. Sometimes, we just have to unclench our brains and let go.
I think the less I’ve thought, the more I've done, and the more I've done, the less I've cared. And when you're carefree, you're not worried about what you sound like, where you're going, how you're getting there. You're truly just along for the ride.
Lynch concludes by suggesting we all need to master the balance between ambition and curiosity. Forever. Our entire lives. That balancing act doesn’t stop because it’s how we get the most out of life. The journey is the point. It’s not just a way to get somewhere. It’s the thing that enlivens us and presents us with an abundance of detours that bring into focus the destinations that truly align with our ambitions.
May you remain forever curious. May that curiosity lead you to great things.
Robert Frost wrote an iconic poem, The Road Not Taken, that’s a beautiful way to end this post and celebrate the many detours in life that taken together enrich us with new personal discoveries.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I couldTo where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sighSomewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
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